1. Had true Epiphany in Ballet last week. My body really begins to feel capable of surpassing (my) previous expectations. I felt a strength and Leap-ability; I begin to function from my centre which makes my uneven doctor-tampered Hip less of a liability. I woke up the next day feeling like I'd fallen in Love, I scanned my memory and realised that it was that total feeling I'd had in the Dance for a moment... Like Love.
2. Performed yesterday in Day one of Carnavale- Mascarada- a Commedia Del Arte day at the Italian Cultural Institute- organised by a top British Commedia practitioner- we were there as end of the Commedia Workshop I have been partaking of (which is why I am (unusually) home on a Monday evening- the workshop is now over ( I plan to fill ensuing Mondays with sessions at circus space.. clowning... tumbling...or trapeze...)
We had warmups/ workshops all afternoon then "performed"/ interacted with the crowd all evening
It revealed/confirmed some important things:
a. After our warmups etc I was selected to play "First Actress" which shows I can be perceived as Lady-like and a Dancer - not my self perception thus far... v gratifying the cute male photographers recorded me often and hooded their eyes when speaking to me and small girls gasped with pleasure when I spoke to them... one little girl also proceeded to give Princess lessons after I opened my "rude" mouth!
b. I really want and neeeed VOICE classes - I just don't know what to do with it- to sing- make sounds- react etc etc (Marina from my practice group does teach this and so hopefully I will get to experience this soon- I also want to do some SHahar Dor recommended classes but I think I really need to find some funding for this...
c. I really want and need Acting technique classes - to find some techniques that work for me
d. I am shy and I want these techniques as framework in which I may roam free
e. I am not a devotee of "Theatre" "Acting" It is something else I want
3. The Yoga Naomi has been doing each week a real boon and the perfect balance with Ballet. She's going a way on tour for 5 weeks from next week boohoo - Caroline and I are going to keep meeting at 5-6 every wednesday to do something that'll make us feel as or nearly as great.. this week we're going swimming at the Lido (maybe that's enough each week..). I also have a beautiful new Red Bike which is much better for my bike so I'm cycling much more again and bought 2 ancient wooden tennis rackets for a tenner and Barbara and I going to find a weekly time to meet for tennis. I won't become fanatic - well no more than I am about everything!) but I am enjoying feeling like myself again- I can fit into jeans I haven't been able to wear for about 3 years and my posture definitely a lot improved and the pain almost absent woowoowoo- the latter obviously the Number One bonus...
4. I did the 1st day of Gary Stevens practice lab but the commedia opportunity clashed with day 2. It was quite fun (Harriet said Day 2 was a bit more satisfying) but I felt that just as my Commedia experience confirmed I'm not a "Theatre" person, I'm not into Contemporary/ Conceptual/Vague Art really either (although Harriet also pointed out how quite similar but much better was Gerry Pilgrim's workshops in the same location- I quite agree). But this did help me in one way. I have been increasingly ceasing to regret not having gone to Art School all those years ago. Maybe I was just always going to feel alienated till I reached my 40s- maybe I have been taking "my correct path" after all (I've been convinced I'd be a supper successful Artist by now if I'd gone that way but I guess I have to admit that it's cool I've gone the Frank Sinatra/ Sid Vicious route (but way cooler 'cos neither dead junkie or mafiosi)
5. I am still awaiting my Grandfathers Naval records. I have decided to commence by making a smaller piece of work for the London Bridge Festival in July based around his experiences in the battle of north cape dg world war two. The HMS Belfast was in the battle with his ship, the Duke of York and I want to do a pice of work on the riverside nearby that is in part about the difficulties of piecing together history- how different our experiences have been - illustrated in part by how different is my experience of proximity to hms belfast is to how his was. I have contacted hms belfast and my contact at imperial war museum (who remembered me from filming reconstruction of nelson's funeral from belfast in 2005) and have sent them follow up emails- perhaps buit vague. I attach it to this too for your opinion if you have time. I am reading the 2nd world war naval classic "The Cruel Sea" (and watched the movie last week)- it is fantastic in all its details- b v much from the Officer perspective.. gives more "grist to my mill" !?! I described the basic story to Manu and Mukul and then to Sebastian as I saw them all while I was in the middle of writing it and they all said independently that I MUST perform these stories in public. I saw Barbara also the day before and she said "I just want you to tell your stories" (I think this is also another reason I really want some Voice Coaching- I want to have real range and weight to what I do.. I also want to work with others)
6. So as referred to above the Practice Group inspired by Andrew Morrish continues to thrive. There are 5 of us- we have NEVER all of us been there since the Andrew Morrish wokshop itself and Seke's off to Zimbabwe (where his dad is) and South Africa (where he's help DV8 cast their next piece) for a month so we're having a practice and dinner here Thursday Night (and still we may not all overlap- Juliana only their at beginning and Ceri only there at end. I've been the only mainstay (I have less work than anyone else!) - They are such a lovely group of people- really lovely. It is amazingly relaxed yet intense and everyone really enjoys working here at my space. I think that this Thursday I'll suggest that we build a first thursday around our practice I think we should have something to work toward and to ensure that Seke has it in his mind to return to.
7. Jelly Royale, 3 lovely girls, a great band that are friends of Sebastian and Tomokos, have begun to practice weekly at my place- they also run the Bicycle powered cinema and are totally up for helping me make money for this place with bicycle powered gigs. I am thinking of Placing a large thermometer on the wall saying how much is needed to cover the rent and bills each month and getting more people in using the place to practice and teach in. There are to be workshops in the weekend after next weeks first thursday. I think that this is to try to instigate more of this kind of stuff happening here
8. Next First Thursday is in ten days time- I have some promises of original performance/ dancepieces by Antonio, his mate Andrew, Marina (from my practice group), Catherine (who's lovely legs are on my door) and of Dance photographs by Barbara, Quintina, Javier and the boyfriend of one of the people in my Commedia Class. I intend to ask a recently met balkan musician Mischka and Catherines Samba drummer husband Trevor and perhaps Melissa and Dennis to play as I want the evening to escalate and descend into more and more people joining in the dancing. I'll ask Aidan to deejay (gypsy stuff) or maybe Tina's Antonio (also Gypsy stuff). I suppose that it is appropriate that this feels the least set up-dance and music so spontaneous, mercurial, visceral, would be inverse to pin it down- though I must begin the process of pepping up.. perhaps tomorrow and next day I also try to make flyer that evokes my strong feelings about these things- as it connects also to this so useful process I'm doing at this moment thanks to you of deconstructing all the things I'm doing in my life right now and the work I must next do to develop this. Marina and Catherine at the moment are set to do workshops. Many people I thought I could rely on are away that weekend- eek- but there are more I can ask- though it is short notice. Sebastian and I planning a kid's disco for the Sunday. I have a lot of work and thinking to do next few days on this.. I think I'll only go out for Ballet class for a few days..
9. I've had 2 enquiries in past month about one of my punk movies. I really need to develop website. sales. paypal and all that stuff...yes...?
10. MONEY: First Thursdays and hiring this space out more and trying to find funding. Classes taking place here? Make giant thermometer. I think that I also should find some kind of part-time job - though it would have to be daytime weekdays 'cos of Dance classes. Even a shop job or something. Or I should sell something on-line. Any ideas?
I think that about covers it. I feel positive.I don't know EXACTLY what it is I want to do in terms of CATEGORIZABILITY (and frankly don't wish to yet categorise myself- though may call myself Performing Artist in Training for Application purposes.... I do know what I want to learn and some of what I want to make work about and I do have an increasing tangible support/creative/ friendship structure around me plus my own fantastic experimentation workshop and access to some amazing teachers. A nagging desire is to travel, to see more of this incredible world and this is included in my needs for study, also developing myslef as a performing artist/Maestro as well as integral to my grandfather's story (not to mention to finding the home by and sea to share with my lovely lover, children and community, base of operations after 2012 when lease on this place expires again). I am also trying to make myself write after classes- the Content as well as how it felt. I think that this also indicates that the fog is at last beginning to clear. I don't know if you have any note-taking tips..? I
CONCLUSION:
Things I must do:
Set up next First Thursday and Workshops
Continue Ballet classes at least 2 (pref. 3 times a week)
Write down exactly what are my outgoings/financial needs to keep up this place- work out a plan of action for Red Shoe Space paying for itself
Make Giant Thermometer Graphic (or see if Anja has the one we used raising money for Tony's Cafe)
Complete my website find a way to make money on-line
Track down images of myself performing in "Handbag", "BumBumTrain", "La Mascarada" (and in future speak to the photographers direct as all Artists are hopeless at providing footage, including myself)
Find financing to take an intro to acting class at the Actors Centre (for instance) £550
Find financing to do a Voice course recommended by Shahar Dor
Find financing to take French mime/ physical theatre class?
Find financing to R+D "Hubert"
Organise meeting with Arts Council Live Art/ Theatre person
Do Voice classes with Marina
Find someone who wants to teach acting classes at my place
Take Circus Space classes
Make Hubert (my grandfather) piece for London Bridge Festival in July
Write down my stories and start to perform them in public
Take Sten's Action Theatre Course?
Write to Arlene saying that I find just not showing up rather disruptive and saying let's do July Your Peer Group First Thursday and Organically try acquire new members
Plan Practice Group First Thursday
Remember that men I find sexy and attractive are just human beings and I like human beings and do not need to treat them in any way different to any other kind of human being and just don't put up any barricades to anything further happening
THANKS FOR ASKING ME TO DO THIS ANGEL FRIEND- Of course it has taken me 3 hours rather than the one you recommended- but I think that's why I probably wouldn't have done it without your stimulation.. being, as I am ever best at thnking when thinking aloud. You're amazing. You don't have to respond comprehensively but obviously any responses will be most gratefully received. I think greater clarity has been achieved but... oh okay pleeeeeeeease let me know what you think!!
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